Let’s begin with an important premise – anxiety serves a purpose.
Anxiety is a normal, and necessary, emotion that all humans experience. As I discuss childhood anxiety in this 4-part series, it is important to understand that the goal is not to get rid of anxiety. That is not possible, nor is it desirable. Instead, we want children to know that they can successfully cope with anxious feelings. They can do what they need to do, despite feeling anxious.
What is anxiety?
The Oxford dictionary defines anxiety as: “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” The definition gives us a clue as to the purpose anxiety serves. It is meant to keep us safe. We try to anticipate potentially harmful, unsafe, or problematic situations so we can either avoid them or do something to mitigate a negative impact.
Of course, we know that anxiety can become a problem. There are several factors that may contribute to anxiety being difficult to manage, and possibly overwhelming. This includes biological makeup, life experiences, and environmental factors. When anxiety is persistent, excessive, and impairs normal daily functioning, it is no longer serving the purpose that it was meant to.
Some common signs that anxiety is problem:
Constant worrying that is difficult to control.
Feeling “on edge” most of the time.
Avoiding situations or age-appropriate activities to try to reduce distress.
Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep.
Physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, or muscle tension.
Mood changes including feeling more irritable or withdrawn.
Difficulty concentrating.
How is anxiety different in children?
Anxiety may present differently in children based on developmental stage, the child’s history, and the response they receive from caregivers or other significant adults.
Anxious children may experience one or more of the symptoms listed above. In addition, they may:
Appear defiant and controlling.
Become easily angered or quickly escalate seemingly minor issues.
Demand to know details about to expect and become upset when plans change.
Constantly think about “worst case scenarios”.
Have difficulty separating from parents (typically younger children).
Excessively focused on appearance and judgement from others (typically adolescents and teens).
It is important to consider the child’s development stage.
Some of these symptoms of anxiety are age appropriate. For example, it is typical for a toddler to show distress when left with a babysitter for the first time. The expectation however is that, given a safe, supportive relationship, the distress will diminish over time. Pay attention to how these symptoms impact the child’s ability to function at school/day care, with peers, and with family members. Notice if your child is missing out on activities, that they want to participate in, due to feeling anxious. Also note how easily the child is soothed or can self-regulate.
Parents play a special role in shaping the course of a child’s anxiety.
Parents naturally want to protect their children and help them feel safe. Children instinctively look to their parents for support and protection. It is difficult for us to see our child in distress and not immediately try to make it better. The problem is, sometimes what we do to help relieve the child’s distress only makes anxiety worse. More about this later in the series.
What can parents do about childhood anxiety?
Understanding anxiety is the first step towards supporting your child. Ideally, parents implement strategies to help their child cope with symptoms, while simultaneously helping the child build self-confidence. The key is communicating to the child that they can do the things they want to do, despite feeling anxious. In the upcoming posts, we'll explore practical strategies, and discuss more about the role of parents in alleviating anxiety in their children.
Contact me to learn more about how I can support you and your child in managing anxiety.